I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
