I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
