dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
