That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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