I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
