I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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