Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
