Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
