As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
