I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Boobs are out for the taking
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
