need another drink. this is the easiest way
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
