So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
