i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
