worst night to have a conscience
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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