I seem to have left my pride at pride
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
