There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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