Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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