im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
