I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
