Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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