I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
