tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
