I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will be naked everywhere
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Pooping to opera.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
