Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
