Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
