Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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