So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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