I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
