ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
