YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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