So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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