I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
there is another microwave in the elevator.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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