i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
