We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
