Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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