she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
