i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
