I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
