I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
