I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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