Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
