She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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