I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize