apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
