GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
