Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
