nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
