are you still at the devil's house?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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