yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
