4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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